Day whatever with a few rants mixed in...

So today was the travel day at the end of the vacation that everyone dreads.  I usually start dreading this day on the first day of vacation, but with no job, no blackberry, and 2 weeks in Florida, I put it off until this morning.  You know when you wake up things are not going to go well, given it is the 1,000th automated telephone call we got on vacation that seems to have served as our stand in for an alarm clock.  I would blow something up if I lived in Florida and regularly got those calls.  Selling DirecTV, selling new mortgage, selling crap!!!!  I wanted to follow the phone number, find out the business that was making those calls, and sit outside the owners house every morning at 3am and use a loud speaker to just "talk" with him.  I could have done that every morning and sacrificed my whole vacation had it not been for my wife who talked me down off the ledge.  Sometimes I wonder how many times I would have been arrested if not for being married.  

This morning, due to our early morning phone call, my wife changed course.  She wanted to change our flight back a few days so she could do exactly that.  She wanted to find out who was behind the "bankruptcy hotline" and deal with them.  Fortunately, I was able to calm her and we went on our day.

Now, neither of us ever came down off the ledge as today was just one bad thing after another.  Of course we are running late.  I walk into Walgreens to grab something really quick on the way to the airport and there is only one person working the counter and one customer in front of me.  The problem was the customer was high on something, had on a 2 inch skirt, and obviously had worked the whole night!  Really bad situation.  She is mumbling, can't find her money (even though she has no pockets), and is generally unaware of her surroundings.  I think about offering to pay her for a half hours time and asking her to just sit in the corner so I can check out and move on with my day.  Instead, I pay her $3 bill and get her out of my way.  

Then, we get to the airport.  Running late as usual, I try to check my bags at the curb.  Now, we have 5 suitcases for the 2 ladies and myself.  While we have a full set of clothes already in Florida so we don't have to travel with clothes, we seem to fill 5 suitcases.  My wife blames this on Maddie, but that is because the baby can't defend herself.  Actually, she does defend herself by pooping 3 times on the plane and generally smelling up the entire coach cabin, but that is just icing on the cake at that point.

Let me note that I love United.  After flying a great airline like American for 6 years, I am forced to switch back to United with my new job.  Just wanted to reiterate how much I love United. 

So back to my check in story.  I want to check 4 bags and carry one suitcase on.  After 10 minutes trying to get this through to the englishly challenged curbside check in attendant ( I think that is what his business card said), he then walks off with our id's and motions he will return.  It may have been sign language telling me where to go, but I am hoping for the best.  After 15 more minutes, I have to send another agent to look for him.  I think it was just wondering around inside, but we will never know.  The other agent kindly informs us that we will have to check our bags inside as they can't accept our money for the two additional suitcases that are over our 1 bag per person limit.

In case anyone forgot, I Really Love United Now.

So we go inside.  The lovely agent that finally waits on us after a 15 minute wait in the premiere executive line.  She weighs each bag and seems to relish the fact that one bag is 3 pounds over weight.  While all of the others are significantly underweight, this one must be addressed.  

I love United!!!!

I take some shoes and some power cords out and put them in the smallest bag.  She then goes and re-weighs each bag.  Now I haven't touched the first 2 bags, but she re-weighs them just in case we missed something the first time.   At this point - T-minus 45 minutes to take off.  I am pissed, Kacey is melting down, and Maddie has found her voice and serenades us with a high pitched wail version of Jimmy Hendrix All Along the Watchtower.  I just want one more person to do something stupid to justify what I am about to do.

To try to shorten the rest of the day:

-We get into an argument with the security guy who doesn't want to let us through with breast milk.  He questions how he knows what it is.  Kacey suggests that he taste it. (Actually, I am quite surprised she didn't lunge over the x-ray machine and grab his shirt and pour in down his throat. She's had Maddie strapped to her chest in the baby Bjorn for over an hour with the baby shrieking with joy at her highest possible decibel range!) Supervisor reprimands him and apologizes.

-We are in the back of the plane with a bunch of child haters who glare every time Maddie starts back up with All Along the Watch Tower in high C

-The flight attendant lets me know it is against policy to let me just stand in the back with my daughter who so obviously needs to be walked.  I ask her to inform everyone around my seat of this policy.  She refuses.

-Maddie is scared of her room.  Never seen it before, apparently known as baby amnesia, am at my wit's end, but she refuses to go into her room.  I think of drugging her and putting her in there anyway, but relent and just let her play on the floor until she passes out.  Then Kacey puts her in there anyway.  Hope she doesn't wake up any time soon.

-Pool is 4 weeks behind, was promised to be finished upon our return. No work has been done.  Have 24 inch tire ruts through my front yard.  Gravel and dirt are my backyard.  pool cannot be entered.  Will make a very serious phone call first thing tomorrow.

Did I mention I love United Airlines!!!!!!!!!

Until tomorrow, late tomorrow, I am going to sleep in!