The good and the bad

Well, when i started this blog, I promised to open my life a little bit.  While I am quite private and use humor to shield prying eyes from more personal matters, I feel obligated to share today's experiences the same way I have shared the other moments of my life the last few weeks.  Today is the 1 year anniversary of my father's death.  He died of congestive heart failure on 7-7-07.  Yeah, what a lucky date that turned out to be.  If you want an even better one, he was buried on 7-11-07, my sister's 30th birthday.  As you can guess, completely unexpected.  There are a lot of circumstances as to why this was hard, but I will not get into the details.  So, I will try to be honest, and of course add some tinges of humor along the way.

First of all, I drove 400 miles just to go there today.  In case you are wondering, I am not broke.  I drive a hybrid.  No, not to save the earth as my wife would like to believe, but to save me money.  When I bought it I was commuting 45 miles each way every day and I thought I would give myself a pay raise.  Funny thing about today, I filled up before I left.  Drove there and back.  And still had gas in the tank.  At 50 miles to the gallon, life was good.  To save a little extra money, I get as close to semi's as I can and draft off them.  It is as close as I will get to being a race car driver and it saves me some money.  Most of the time they don't even know I am there.  One day one is going to hit the brakes and I am going to drive right under him.

So I got to his home town and it brought back some memories.  It was a little rough, but life does move on.  I was supposed to be out of the country this week and Kacey was going to travel, but with the job change and all, everything changed.  So I told Kacey I was going to make the trip alone.  As much as I would have liked a chauffeur, with Maddie and 3.5 hours in a car, I thought it best to go alone.  

I got up there in the late afternoon.  There were storms around, but it was not raining.  My family is mad at me up there, I will get into that later, but 2 of them joined me at the grave site.  It is odd to see your own last name on a grave.  It really makes you contemplate your own mortality.  I thought about the last time i saw my father.  Due to the situation, he had never seen Maddie.  She was born after he passed.  I thought about how much he would have loved her and how much he might have played with her.  I left a picture for him.  I thought he would get a kick out of her in a Redskins Cheerleading outfit.  Anyway, life is hard sometimes, but you pick yourself up and move forward, you don't have a choice.  Do I wish things had been different?  Yes.  Would I change how things happened if I could do it over? Yes.  Can I change anything? No.  Will I take these lessons and ensure that Maddie knows that her father loves her every single second of every day.  Absolutely.  You have to move on in life, but you don't have to forget.

So now for a little lighter side of the day.  So my family, excluding 2 of my aunts, want nothing to do with me.  And guess what?  Like every other disagreement surrounding a death, it comes down to money.  This guy, who mind you had never met me and wasn't even in the family when things happened, has convinced them that I am out for money.  Great guy, can't you tell already.  So, my father had a pension policy that goes to next of kin.  He convinces everyone that they lost the paperwork and that is how the money was given to me and my sister.  Here is the best part of the story.  ANYONE that really wants to know the truth, could pick up the phone and find out from the pension provider.  They all want the drama, they don't want the truth.  I offer to get everyone in a room and call on speakerphone to show everyone the truth.  Never mind, I couldn't make that offer today, because no one besides my 2 aunts would show up.  Not to mention, none of the others would even tell me why or how they feel.  Keep in mind also, it is not like I can retire on this money.  In fact, over the next few months, I will keep you all up to date what I do with the money.  I have some plans in mind and I will share you once I take some action.

So that gets me thinking again.  I think people inherently like drama.  No one wants to take the time to get to the bottom of the situation, because it will be a huge let down.  No one cares if everything is above board and there are not these elaborate sub plots.  What would everyone talk about?  I think most people would rather believe a lie and find it interesting than to try to find the truth and be bored.  I have seen this in families, in works, and in some friends.  Sad and pessimistic, but I have seen it a lot. 

I leave you with a verse from the Kenny Chesney concert:

Goodbyes are like a roulette wheel

You never know where they're gonna land

First you're spinning, then you're standing still

Left holding a losing hand